For the most part, the personal door to my life is cracked open barely enough to let anyone see what's going on and I am open to the idea of letting people blindly gauge how I live my life from the outside and watch as most nay-sayers are proven wrong on the regs. I get a kick out of it because fuck em, right? However, for some odd reason, I've decided to share a small bit of insight into what keeps my engine full at all moments of the day and what I need for those moments where I feel like everything will tear me apart. Let's just go ahead and set the record straight as to why all of this is really happening.
The little girl in this picture is Jaeliyah McQuade Yellow Earrings. She is the daughter to my cousin, whom does not need to be mentioned at any point except for the beginning of this article. Where it all began with this crazy monster was that shortly after she was born, the mother and father split up, or whatever, and the mother wanted nothing to do with Jae. Knowing my mom, hearing this information ate her up and she decided to bring this child into our family. One morning, prior to my knowledge of all this, my mom showed up to my apartment with Jae and asked me to watch her while she ran to the bank, all quick-like. Before this moment, I can probably count on one finger how many times I've held a baby and now my mom has tasked me to care for one. I sat down next to her on the floor while she was in her little baby carriage thing and she looked at me for like 5 seconds figuring out "who the hell is this guy." I smiled back and she immediately started crying. I had no idea what to do and the situation was escalating quickly. Luckily, my old man walked in the apartment, assessed the situation, came over. picked up Jaeliayah, did his fatherly thing and all was well soon after. It was a lot to learn in one moment but that moment changed everything. It was kind of like "Damn, maybe I should quit fucking around and try to figure out some real shit." I guess I just realized there's a lot more that I need to know about and watching this crazy girl grow up is teaching me a lot about myself. You can probably listen to my music and make the assumption that I'm all about white chicks and weed, but truly, that is not the case. They're awesome things, of course, but not why I'm doing it. That's all just extra. I'm doing this so that this crazy little girl can be the happiest crazy little girl she can be until she's old enough to start giving me lip. I'm willing to take bullets (and send a few if I have to,) I'm willing to get beat down, I'm willing to go through hell and back a million times to get what I'm trying to do done just to make sure this girl is taken care of. Why? I guess because it makes me kind of sad that someone would want to give up their child for selfish reasons, it hurts me to be honest and it is a constant hurt that I have for her but I look at this girl and hear her voice and nothing else matters.
She won't understand for a long time and, truthfully, she may not be concerned when the time comes that she does actually understand but there may also come a point where she's asking why the hell she doesn't look like her brothers and just, ya know...who knows. It kills me to see that moment. It also kills me to know that my parents aint young anymore and yet they still go out of their way to take care of Jae, even though they getting old and shit. Who knows when my parents are going to be too old to take care of Jae, I just know I need to have things lined up. My parents won't be so youthful forever. It is a constant battle to keep focused on the end of the path and sometimes you start making back up plans in case shit doesn't work out or you feel you start to lose your passion or nothing is going right at all in life...but then I get a hug from Jae and say fuck all that bullshit, I'm getting paid. I know that she can inspire me to get there by just being around and driving me crazy. I miss the hell out of her everyday but I'm out here grindin' to see her have better days and I'm hoping the pay out will be great.
As I bid adieu, I would like to leave anyone who made it this far with this parting thought: If there is ANYONE, ANYOOOOOOOOOOONE out there that has some sort of negative opinion on what I'm doing or if there's anyone out there that wants to get in the way of what I'm trying to do, let me say this: Ok. Cool. Go ahead. Talk your shit, I'll produce shit too, I can be a loud, ignorant mother fucker. If you would like to step in the way, try it. Try it and we'll see what the fuck happens. I know most people want me to be about getting cash and smoking weed all the time and I'm sorry you're absolutely fucking wrong in your assumption, but there is a plan in all of it and as long as Jae is there driving me crazy, I'll see it through to the end and do whatever the hell it takes, regardless of what peeps is thinking and saying. I'm in this bitch. #associatedacts
-EZ
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